So, after about a year of pretty heavy “not drinking”, I’m going to try again to quit. — I need something to replace it with though. Something like, I dunno… slamming my dick in a car door or something…
Circumstance is going to give me a bit of enforced sobriety over the next two weeks. I expect I have quite the battle in store as the monsters I drugged with it wake and climb toward the surface.
- She: "Normally, people don't think about killing themselves all the time."
- Me: "How is that even possible?"
"Poor little fellow! One only consolation have we; his friends mourn and weep, but he is at rest. The pang is over, his sufferings are at an end forever. A sod covers his gentle form, and he knows no pain. He can no longer be a subject for pity; we must reserve that for his miserable survivors."
~ Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley, “Frankenstein” chap 7.
- Him: "Doesn't that hurt?"
- Me: "Yeah, but that's okay."
- Him: "Who told you hurting was okay?"
- Me: "Well, if it's not, then I'm utterly fucked in the head."
- Him: "..."
- Me: "..."
I’m nothing more than a collection of flesh and bones wandering about on the planet, essentially at random.
…It’s not enough.
- He: "What were you thinking?!"
- Me: "Well, obviously I was thinking that I would get away with it and not need to explain myself."
The problem is that I almost completely lack a sense of identity. I don’t know who the fuck I am. And that means that I cast about trying to find anything to cling to. — The danger, then, is in identifying with the fuck-wad I see in the mirror everyday.
I was watching a thing… it doesn’t matter. In this thing there was a tombstone dated “1885 - 1914” and I thought ‘Wow, turn of the century.”
…Then I remembered that it’s 2014 and people will think that of me someday.
- Her: "You sound like you're doing good."
- Me: "Good. That means I've found just the right tone that lets me fake it."
I know a healthy young couple who is going through the process of adoption right now. It’s not that they can’t be parents, it’s that they want to be YOUR parents. There are people out there who want the abandoned.